How is it some people are able to step forward with no fear of the future? No fear of what would happen or what could have happened if they didn't choose that particular decision. I, on the other hand, wake up every morning fearing if I would have to face any consequences of the previous day's decisions.
Each morning I wake, the fight begins. "Do I have the strength to move on? Can I get out of bed and face my day?" I lie in bed fighting against myself, trying to give myself enough strength to get up n out of bed. The futility of each battle swimming in my head. The ache of each loss tugging at my very core. This is how it feels like to be clinically depressed, how its like to battle my illness every morning. Day by day passes and I wonder how it was like before all this. Do I even remember a day where I woke up with such lightheartedness I felt I could fly?
I cannot bring myself to think of what I'm missing lest the fear of facing the day sets in. I do not know what each day will bring but this I am sure, it takes a whole lot out of me to convince myself that if I do walk out that front door and into the big, scary world, nothing will happen to me... It will be like any other day. Battling my worries, my thoughts, my feelings.
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