Expectations, values, self- confidence, beliefs. Where do we get these from? Why is society revolved around how people look, how they act, share, care, talk, walk, sit, what they wear? How important is it that we have to worry about what other people think about us? What is NORMAL?
Human beings are judgemental creatures. We either judge other people around us or judge ourselves. No matter what, that little voice in our head keeps talking away.
We form our concepts of values and beliefs through the people around us while we were growing up. Expectations and self-confidence comes next. So needless to say, most of us may have become who our parents wanted us to be (in certain ways). Me on the other hand, *sigh* need i say more?
I have managed to shock my mother more n more on each occasion that she visits me or I go home to visit her. The way I eat, the way I talk, the way I interact with people (okay that I can understand due to my illness) , the way I dress and most importantly my WEIGHT! It is amazing how much she sets herself up to expect that I have gotten worse (cause I warned her) and I still manage to surprise her. Proves how much FAT my bloody body has decided to store because of all these fad diets my mom puts me on.
Its funny how diets look like they are working but after you stop... the weight starts piling up, replenishing all you've lost, and then some. I've been told the body has a point where the weight reaches a plateau and whether or not it loses or gains weight, it will fluctuate back up to the plateau weight UNLESS that the lost/gained weight is held constant for approx. 6 months (I think). So to lose weight, one would have to be on a diet for 6 months!! stuff that.. I'd rather do it the old fashioned way n work it off.
12 kg by January 2009 (hopefully). Damn I'm such a pig
I had an interesting conversation during my meeting with a DLU representative today that sparked some food for my brain. I thought it would be nice to share it to the world (although I'm thinking most people would already know this by now) ;)
She asked me today "What is the difference between a choice and a decision?" That got me thinking, is there really a difference or are they both the same thing with different 'names' to it? I spent a good portion of the day thinking about choices and decisions we make in life. When do we use the word choice and when do we use decision?
Decisions are made after weighing up the pros and cons, researching on both of the options laid out and thinking about the consequences of choosing one option and not choosing the other. Choices on the other hand, are something that we just choose without reason, without weighing up the options. We just choose because we chose it. No other reason to it. No justifications to why we made the choice.
Then I start thinking, how do we go about our daily life making choices and decisions? Why can't we just make only decisions or only choices? What drives us to make decisions for certain situations and choices for others?
I suppose they both overlap in the end. One choice/decision will lead to another... and another.. and so on. Some, we weigh up and others we just pick just because. If we went through life making only decisions I think a lot of things would not even exist because it would take too long with too many consequences to go through with. Same goes with making only choices in life. Spontaneity only goes so far before something drastic happens and kills us.
"Then, what about when there is NO choice?" There is always a choice/decision in any form of situation. It is how we view each situation. When we begrudgingly do something just coz there is no choice, we have chosen to fight the fact that there isn't any other option BUT when we accept the situation and CHOOSE to go along with the situation without a fight, many other doors will open giving us the ability to make new decisions and choices as we go through the situation that previously had 'no other choice'.
How is it some people are able to step forward with no fear of the future? No fear of what would happen or what could have happened if they didn't choose that particular decision. I, on the other hand, wake up every morning fearing if I would have to face any consequences of the previous day's decisions.
Each morning I wake, the fight begins. "Do I have the strength to move on? Can I get out of bed and face my day?" I lie in bed fighting against myself, trying to give myself enough strength to get up n out of bed. The futility of each battle swimming in my head. The ache of each loss tugging at my very core. This is how it feels like to be clinically depressed, how its like to battle my illness every morning. Day by day passes and I wonder how it was like before all this. Do I even remember a day where I woke up with such lightheartedness I felt I could fly?
I cannot bring myself to think of what I'm missing lest the fear of facing the day sets in. I do not know what each day will bring but this I am sure, it takes a whole lot out of me to convince myself that if I do walk out that front door and into the big, scary world, nothing will happen to me... It will be like any other day. Battling my worries, my thoughts, my feelings.
